Christy:

“My mother was killed by the lack of a construction sign informing her the road had ended, and my father was killed by the lack of my mother whose death informed him his life had ended. At the age of twelve I moved in with my Aunt Lynn, who is still alive because she doesn’t believe in cars, and Uncle Joe, who is alive because he doesn’t believe that ‘life’ and ‘Aunt Lynn’ are synonymous. I am alive because wood nymphs like me and I stopped getting emotionally involved with anything a long time ago.”

Body type: short, slightly chubby
Outlook on life: Gullible pessimism
College Major: English
Motivation: Christy finally feels like she belongs.
Most common phrase: “Ow.”

Nate:

“Sadly though, while the whole family specialized in and loved the workings of the business world, Nate was born to be an artist or a teacher or a psychologist or something that involved people and interacting with them. He was hopelessly addicted to meeting and learning about total strangers and finding the meaning of life. He was voted most sociable, unique, and valedictorian in high school, got kicked out of his first three colleges for challenging the rules and professors, had an IQ that rivaled Sarza’s, was his mother’s pride and joy, and his little brothers’ and sisters’ idol. Yet because he didn’t want to be a CEO or a corporate manager, he was his father’s and forefathers’ disgrace, which is why Nate couldn’t go back home to the wonderful family he had left behind when he went off to a college that didn’t specialize in cloning business executives (Not to mention he had left behind an impressive inheritance sum).”

Body type: Normal-athletic
Outlook on life: Infallible optimism
College Major: Communications
Motivation: Love of Ally.
Most common phrase: “Don’t worry, be happy.”

Sarza:

“Having been claimed by the state two times due to the questionable practices of Freedom’s Bird, and in general handed a life of hard knocks curbed by Freedom’s cocaine and sex obsessions which put both her and her daughter into unpleasant situations, Sarza left home at fourteen, which is two years before it was legal, and has been self-sufficient ever since. She graduated high school a year early with a 4.0 GPA and two extra classes, went to a community college where she improved upon her strict personality and developed terms for all her beliefs, becoming an anti-religious, feminist, bisexual, no-nonsense, low-tolerance vegan libertarian who marched for protests on Saturdays, spent her summers in places like Cambodia, despised organized society, and raised money for the orphans of Africa. Sarza abhorred hippies, conservatives, the consuming of meat, big business and people like Ally who were happy for no reason most of the time.”

Body type: Lean and mean, with frizzy brown hair streaked blond, and glasses.
Outlook on life: Staunch pessimism
College Major: Accounting (Later goes to Law School)
Motivation: Unknown, possible motherly instincts
Most common phrase: “Don’t be stupid.”

Ally:

“During her first year at a community college she was hospitalized for attempting suicide. Sweet, kind, gentle Ally was depressed, fighting a terrible battle for her happiness and her life. Perhaps she possesses her extravagantly-emotional personality by nature, but more likely her strange activities and attachments are a result of the intense medication therapy her parents made her go through after the attempt. Mr. and Mrs. Uptight were convinced Ally’s was a chemical problem, not a deeply-set emotional one, because of course their perfect, little, affection-deficient lives couldn’t possibly be at fault. Ally started hiding her meds and finally got off them all together when she moved away to a university, but all that drug therapy changed her. It was probably all this combined that led her to want to get pregnant. Nate, with perhaps more insight than I give him credit for, says she’s looking for someone to fix her. It’s possible he saw through her just as easily as she saw through us. Maybe that’s where his crazy plan came from -a desperate attempt to save Ally from herself.”

Body type: Hourglass with blond hair and blue eyes.
Outlook on life: Helpless coping
College Major: Did not complete one
Motivation: Love, happiness
Most common phrase: Laughter

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