In honor of VD, which is mostly received with lots of griping and moaning, here’s a list of the worst literary pickup lines I could think of. That’s right, they’re created by yours truly ;-) So if you feel the need to mock a holiday dedicated towards commercializing love, yet want to stay within a literary theme, go ahead and give these a peruse.
- Baby I’ll put a crease in your spine!
- You can dog-ear my pages anytime!
- Goodreads? How about fantastic-in-bed-reads?
- You’re so fine I’m gonna Barnes & Ogle you.
- Borders went bankrupt, but your borders are rich ;-)
- Books-A-Million’s got nothing on your Looks-A-Million!
- Feel free to bookmark my page in your address book.
- Kirkus Review gave me 5 stars, if you know what I mean ;-)
- Can I query your heart?
- I’d wait on subs forever for you.
- You’re a Fantasy walking, is it any Mystery I’d want to make a Romance with you? Let’s take Action and fall in a Literary kind of love, YA?
- You’re as pretty as a new ARC.
- My agent’s taking calls if you want to sign me on ;-)
- I bet all the critics adore you.
- You’re as stiff as a hardcover, let me rub your paperback.
Any others you can think of? Feel free to woo me below :-)
Also check out this XKCD comic, which basically describes how Chris and I handled Valentine’s this year. We also put up some fun, legitimate literary Valentine’s over at Pub Crawl, assembled again by yours truly, my favorite of which is J. K. Rowling’s “Let’s cuddle, my muggle.”